Introductions

IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL THE SCALE TOPS 170!

After I recovered from the shock, I immediately went into Fuck You mode. (BTW, if F bombs offend you I'm sorry but I suspect they will be prolific during this process so please self edit) If you know me well, you know that this means something is going to change.  Run Away. Quit My Job. Get a Divorce. This time, it means that I'm done feeling heavy, done not being able to wear my own clothes, done with the aches and pains that come from carrying around 40 lbs day in and day out - that's an entire toddler for God's sake - so yeah, Fuck You Fat.

First week (which I will refer to as The Week Of Facing The Truth, also known as WTF Was I Thinking week)  I assessed my living situation - alone, sedentary job, not much outdoor time. Pantry - My kitchen wasn't bad but there were too many white things in there.

Rice, Potatoes, Sugar, Chips. Bread. Phht. Gone. In the trash.

Diet Coke. Diet anything - In the trash.

Then I went to the store and bought healthy proteins. Chicken. Turkey. Vegetables. Standing in the checkout line, I looked at that chicken breast and gagged. I. HATE. CHICKEN. Unless it's grilled.

Next stop - ACE Hardware. Buy a grill ...and as a last minute OMG I can't believe I'm doing this level of commitment: a scale.

Grill must be assembled and this did not make me happy but by God I did it. If I can read the convoluted sometimes not in English instructions on a $13.00 Hibachi Grill, people, you can too. This, I thought, would be one of those times a male human would come in handy.

F that. F to the H.E. Double Hockey Sticks NO that.

So. meal prep this week was relatively sparse. I fell back on a few faves: basically a crustless quiche that was adapted to a mini muffin and grilled chicken and veggies. I packed four lunches. I usually end up skipping one meal a week or having some sort of random meal intervention, so that is perfect.

Next, I assessed my emotional space. Am I ready to do this? I was born without an R on my stickshift. It takes me forever to commit, but once I do, there is no backing down. So yes. I have thought it out and I am in. 100% IN.

Historically I respond well to low carb diets. I also have had success with weight training. Unfortunately I am entering this challenge with a torn rotator cuff and Achilles tendonitis so basically, no upper body no lower body. I can lay on the floor and do crunches or pilates or whatever and so - break out the vacuum and the yoga pad. To my carpet which I have not seen up this close in the entire time I have lived here, I say in my best Adele voice - "Hello it's me."

I can't be the only one who has been inundated with New Years Get Fit Lose Weight advertisements and though I am absolutely the most skeptical person on the planet and the WORST candidate for any Multi Level Marketing initiative, I decided to add a twist. I will try EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM for a month until I find the one that works. If I don't see a result in a month - I'm out. And I'm not going to market to you so I'll simply call them Mystery Product One/Two/Three, etc. If you are interested in knowing more at any given time, ask me. Otherwise, I'll presume you are just here for the party...

Last, because I didn't want to suffer alone, I started this blog. So. There. Week One. I started at 179. I ended at 179, and in between, I threw away a lot of white stuff.

See ya next week.

- Stella


HOW DID I GET SO FAT?!


I haven't set foot on a scale since 2006. Ten years. I remember I was at my mom's cabin up in the mountains of Elijay, GA and I saw the scale there and stepped on wondering what it would say. It said 147.5. I don't know what I expected but that number paralyzed me. I immediately plunged into a Blue Ridge Parkway fried apple pie depression. As I licked my fingers and brushed the crumbs from my shirt I decided there was only one recourse: That would never happen again.
Fast forward ten years. My goal is to turn back the clock. I want to return to that time - return to my weight and my health ten years ago.
Last week I went to the doctor where they - of course - wanted to weigh me. My hips screamed 'Don't Do It' but my overburdened ankle (with what turned out to be Achilles tendinitis) said STFU I'm tired of dragging your fat ass around..
179
My first thought was 'I need to change my DL.'
My second was Holy Crap. That's my nine month pregnant weight! I should be having a baby, but  instead I am having aches and pains in every weight bearing joint of my body.
Thus began this journey.
I am 53, nearly 54. I have a desk job. I like chocolate anything and Diet Coke. And I have no clothes in my closet that fit me. I am not going to make this blog pretty. Mostly it's going to be done from my phone. There will be typos and sideways photographs and probably misspellings and I don't care. This isn't English class: It's Health.
So, with that out of the way, here we go. I make you this promise: I will be brutally honest. I will not fudge or skirt the truth. I will admit when I screw up. I plan to try different 'diets' and 'supplements' as I go until I find the one that works for me. I will tell you what they are and give a frank review. I will never ever try to sell you anything, so if I say I'm using this product and I feel this way, just know that I'm not looking to make money off you. If you want to try something I have found success with, go find your own distributor because I'm not into making my health a business. I just want to feel good.
Okay.
There will be a progress journal. It won't be daily but I want to update it at least weekly.
There will be a page with recipes.
There will be a page with before and afters - eventually.
And there will be a plethora of encouraging meme's mostly pilfered off Facebook.
Here we go.