The Breakup

I've been sad. Like - teenaged girl sitting home on prom night watching tv eating ice cream - sad the last few days. Truth is, I'm going through a rough breakup. You know what that's like. On again off again. Hoping things will be different this time but they're not. Of course they're not. Leopards don't change their spots. I just feel like it has to happen for real this time. I feel like it's life or death, guys.


And I choose life.


The relationship was dysfunctional from the start. I mean, having to provide emotional support to a perimenopausal slightly off balance damaged person has to be difficult. I get that. But regardless, the effect is undeniable. I just can't carry the weight of all this any more. It's draining me. Sapping my energy. Stealing my joy.


So I ended it it.


You know how that goes. The first couple of days it's all "I'm strong! This was the right decision! I'm moving on with my life now!" And then after a while you start remembering what it was like to taste that flaky pie crust, that doughy yeasty bread, the tart sweet crisp bite of an apple. Crumbling cookies...


Oh. Did you think I was talking about a man?
Sorry.
I'm breaking up with food.
And let me tell you,  it is rough, guys.
My relationship with pie is the worst. It takes me back to my childhood on the farm. My grandmother and granddaddy. Cows. Pie makes me feel loved.


So, I'm down a few pounds and my pants are looser and I feel a little bit better. More energy. A month ago, I had resigned myself to weighing 300 pounds and wearing a mumu but now I have hope. But like any addict, one foot is in the future and the other is in the past. Eventually, my thoughts will shift, my cravings will realign to this healthier direction.


But for now, I'm sad. And I can't even pile up in front of Netflix with a carton of ice cream while I get over it.


Sadness - meet Mr. Cardio. That's how I got through my divorce. Sadness is the soggy fog that fills the vacuum left behind when I clean out my emotional closet.... but I've learned if I run from it, it will eventually quit chasing me.


See - I told you his wasn't all about the weight.


The birds are singing this morning and the sun is shining. I'm sitting here with this disgusting bulletproof coffee that is making my lips greasy. So screw you, pie, we're done. And apparently I can kiss the dry-lip problem good bye too. 😂


Catch ya later. I have a hot date with an elliptical.


 - Stella