Adios and All That Jazz

I've waited a whole week to post this.

I have not aligned myself with any dietary supplement for the simple reason that this way I have nothing to gain and nothing to lose by telling you the truth.  The product I have chosen to use during this journey has some excellent qualities to offer.  However I am going to separate myself from that product from this point forward.  I will continue to use certain parts of it,  but I will not mention it again.  I have many friends who represent many different dietary aids and I would not want to in anyway affect their distribution.  My decision is not about them it's not even about the product.

It's because I am not a good puppet.

Last Sunday I received an admonishment that I should not discuss the ketogenic diet because that would be revealing the inner secret of this product and would therefore reduce my ability to make money off of it in the future. Pretty sure that person doesn't know me very well.Making money was never my intent.  I made that pretty clear from the beginning.  But that's OK no hard feelings...it's just best if I move along.

Later today I'll give you an update on the journey itself but for now I'm just gonna sit here and listen to the chickens and drink my coffee.

✌️

- Stella

Rear view March 19

Saturday March 19.

Week in the rear view. I would say I stuck to the diet with 98% accuracy. The program was more lik 90% but that's just because I had to slack on a couple of the supplements due to...err....digestive disruption. 

I ended up 3 lbs lighter but my measurements remained exactly the same. This means I'm either losing in places I didn't measure or I'm not measuring the exact same spots. I lean toward the latter because on Friday my pants fell off.

Saturday morning I got up thinking it was a fluke and put them back on....same thing. Sloppy. Measured again. No change. I'm perplexed. Light bulb moment when I realize they've just stretched out and need to be washed. Ah! So disappointed. I dug in the closet and pulled out a pair I stopped wearing because they were too tight in the thighs and butt.  They slide over my hips with ease. Buttoned. Squat. Yep. They are definitely loose. 

I got nuthin.

My face is thinner. The most noticeable change though is in my attitude. According to my boss, I'm full of Fuck Off. The reason that's important is because that means defeated old lady is gone and Deb is back. 

New normal~

I wake up at about three in the morning with no alarm , go downstairs, drink some water get on the elliptical. I catch up on my Facebook and my news while I sweat for the next hour. Then I jump in the shower, and throw on my clothes, packed my lunch and head out the door. At work I am more interested and more involved. My outlook is hopeful and borderline aggressive when it comes to working things out. This is really important in my line of work. At quitting time I head home and rarely feel the need to eat anything. Usually my last meal of the day is around 3 o'clock or so in the afternoon. 

Evenings are relaxing. I may cook or meal prep for the next day. May chat with family. 

Bed at 7-8 with zero internet after I go to bed. Eyes closed. Fall asleep. Repeat. 

Boring? I don't know. Not for me. It takes all the thinking out of my weight and leaves more energy for other things. 

Total loss so far: 7-8 lbs. (the first 4 were pre diet) 

I have a product update to give but I'm going to wait for a few days to let things settle in my mind. I never like to be impetuous. I will say that I have been moderately pleased with a few aspects of the product and very pleased with others. And because I have never said one word about which product I am taking, I feel perfectly comfortable giving y'all the honest truth. 

The Breakup

I've been sad. Like - teenaged girl sitting home on prom night watching tv eating ice cream - sad the last few days. Truth is, I'm going through a rough breakup. You know what that's like. On again off again. Hoping things will be different this time but they're not. Of course they're not. Leopards don't change their spots. I just feel like it has to happen for real this time. I feel like it's life or death, guys.


And I choose life.


The relationship was dysfunctional from the start. I mean, having to provide emotional support to a perimenopausal slightly off balance damaged person has to be difficult. I get that. But regardless, the effect is undeniable. I just can't carry the weight of all this any more. It's draining me. Sapping my energy. Stealing my joy.


So I ended it it.


You know how that goes. The first couple of days it's all "I'm strong! This was the right decision! I'm moving on with my life now!" And then after a while you start remembering what it was like to taste that flaky pie crust, that doughy yeasty bread, the tart sweet crisp bite of an apple. Crumbling cookies...


Oh. Did you think I was talking about a man?
Sorry.
I'm breaking up with food.
And let me tell you,  it is rough, guys.
My relationship with pie is the worst. It takes me back to my childhood on the farm. My grandmother and granddaddy. Cows. Pie makes me feel loved.


So, I'm down a few pounds and my pants are looser and I feel a little bit better. More energy. A month ago, I had resigned myself to weighing 300 pounds and wearing a mumu but now I have hope. But like any addict, one foot is in the future and the other is in the past. Eventually, my thoughts will shift, my cravings will realign to this healthier direction.


But for now, I'm sad. And I can't even pile up in front of Netflix with a carton of ice cream while I get over it.


Sadness - meet Mr. Cardio. That's how I got through my divorce. Sadness is the soggy fog that fills the vacuum left behind when I clean out my emotional closet.... but I've learned if I run from it, it will eventually quit chasing me.


See - I told you his wasn't all about the weight.


The birds are singing this morning and the sun is shining. I'm sitting here with this disgusting bulletproof coffee that is making my lips greasy. So screw you, pie, we're done. And apparently I can kiss the dry-lip problem good bye too. 😂


Catch ya later. I have a hot date with an elliptical.


 - Stella

It's Really Not JUST About the Weight

I was talking to my sister yesterday and she said something that made me laugh. She said, "You know it sucks that we spend our whole lives getting used to our bodies, figuring out the way they work, coming to peace with their imperfections and then one day we wake up and we have to start all over again... I want my old self back!"

And THAT ladies, is why I started this journey.
 

I am not one who accepts failure readily. And I am definitely not one who quits. I will be the last one to leave the branding pen, the last one to jump their horse in the trailer, the last one unsaddling. That's just the way God (and life) made me. And that means when I feel a twinge or a pain, I ignore it that day and the next and the next until one day I wake up and my leg has fallen off.

Seriously. I invented #neverthelessshepersisted.
 

This is both a blessing and a curse. All 53 years of those injuries have come back to haunt me lately. And since I don't listen well, it took a fall flat on my face on Christmas Eve for me to realize if I don't change something, I'm going to be lose the ability to change it.

So for three months I sat in front of the TV with a bowl of (diet) ice cream for dinner and thought about what I needed to change. Then I got on the scale at the doctor's office and BOOM 179. Drop the mic.

I don't know if The Product is all that and a dozen roses like it is supposed to be, but I kind of don't care. I'm not wearing the same body any more. The buttons and knobs and bells and whistles have all moved and nothing I do works like it is supposed to. Hell, I can't even get Brain and Bladder to get on the same page half the time. And it got me down. I admit.

I woke up one morning last week with a whole new (actually with my old) outlook back.

I know it will be hard. But it won't be impossible. And while my outside body may have changed, the inside ME has not.
 

In other words, Deb is back.

First Rattle Out of the Box

Yay for Me Thursday!

Not really sure how that happened so I'm going to call it a happy accident and move on. The Product arrived in the mail last night. I eagerly opened it and... 

Augh!!!

So.Many.Rules.

If you are reading this you know me....so you know how well that was received...

But I'm in, so here we go. I'll give you my raw, first rattle out of the box impression.

I opened the protein powder first. Smells like Bed & Bath. I like it. But I kind of want to sprinkle it around the house or take a bath in it. I'm not sure it smells like food.

Pills. Lots of pills with cute names. I dug out my mom's pill boxes and divided out what I would need. I also got a post it note and made notes to myself about what not to forget to do. Then I took a picture of the post it note and the first page of rules because I'm not going to drag those things around with me all day long!

First thing I did this morning per instructions was pop a pill. I didn't really pay attention to it.

Oh,  I should have. This was a freaking Starbucks Venti QuadShot in a pill. And I had a cup of coffee afterwards. As the effects began to settle in I started calling people. I had fourteen conversations while I brushed my teeth. I zipped up stairs and down about 769 times. I wasn't jittery. I was just really really fast. Like a speeding bullet. Like ... wonderwoman!

Note to self: no coffee tomorrow morning. This could be the dealbreaker but I'm in. IAMIN.

Breakfast was a Bed & Bath scented shake. It tasted okay. I added in some spinach because my early morning snack calls for leafy veggies and just ... no.

No leafs before noon.

So mid morning snack was the eggs spinach bacon muffins. And lots of tobasco.

Lunch was another shake - sans the greenery.

Mid afternoon I have two baked drumsticks and a salad. I can have another zippity doo dah if I want, but I think I'll pass. I'm already typing so fast my keyboard is smoking.

All in all, I can't tell if I'm hungry or if my insides are just really really AWAKE.

Maybe tomorrow, I'll give you a lowdown on the team support. It's good. I find the format and interaction to be very helpful. And if you are ON the team, rest assured I'm never going to be specific in my critique. But I do want to emphasize the extras, whether they are positive or negative.

Side note: the corporation has STILL not responded to my inquiry regarding whether these products will cause a false positive on a UA. I've googled and according to what I read the answer is no. Their slow response doesn't comfort me though. Either the answer is yes or it is no. It is not 'I'll get back to you on that.' 

(Late edit: I was able to get a response by contacting them on chat. They assured me that unless I am a collegiate athlete competing and being tested for performance enhancing drugs I was good to go)

Score: Product - maybe a 5 out of 10 so far. But I'm on Day one. I'm making this decision based on the fact I didn't die.

Company - 2. I have no patience for bullshit. Okay edit this to 5. Shouldn't have had to reach out three times. On the other hand they did respond and everyone makes mistakes at times. 

Team support - 9. And that's an important number because changing how you eat is hard. It helps to be able to ask whether this is something you can substitute or whatever and get a real time answer.

Unlike the corporate office (ahem cough cough)

Also - and I will elaborate on this tomorrow - I almost did it the first day but a last minute decision to add cheese messed up my macros. Bad cheese. Bad. Alas tomorrow is another day.

- Stella

Mid Week Update

Mid week update here. I haven’t received the product yet so I am currently doing my old-faithful routine of 1300-1400 calories a day, under 25% carb and lots of water with about 30 minutes of slow elliptical a day due to my injury… and it’s not working.

I’ve added IF (intermittent fasting) and still… not working. I haven’t lost an ounce but I think I have lost at least one friend. I’m hangry all the time.

Looking into the intro packet for Product One, it appears we will be doing a strict ketogenic diet. I admit, I had to google that. I am familiar with ketosis – that’s what makes Atkins work – but the ketogenic diet is different in that once you achieve ketosis, you are required to intake large amounts of fat.

Google – will having too much fat in my diet kill me?

Apparently the results are out on that one. Some studies say yes but mostly those are pertaining to the unhealthy fats. Ketogenic diets require butter, heavy cream, cheese, etc. And even people not associated with the Product are big on ketogenic diets for weight loss and other health benefits. 

Ummm and while I’m having a hard time mentally accepting all of those devils back into my pristine diet, from what I read, mentally isn’t the only place that I’ll be taking a beating. The introduction of all that fat will give me bad breath, gas and diarrhea as well. (I cannot spell that word correctly the first time for the life of me Thank God for spell check…)

BUT I’M IN! YAY (stinky) ME!     

Just so you realize the absolute integrity of my dedication to this project, please be aware that I don’t have a toilet at work. I have a portajohn. And it is WAAAYYY over there. So if my guts go into a digestive WWIII, it’s going to get fugly.

I plan to get my stats listed somewhere on here this week...but no 'before'  until there is a successful 'after.'

That’s all I have for you on this flamingly wonderful Wednesday. 

XOXO  - Stella 

And So It Begins

Monday Funday March 06


So, I ate healthy all weekend drank water didn't indulge or whine or stare longingly at the snack aisle.
I hopped expectantly on the scale like an eager two year old expecting my reward.
179.
I step off.
I step back on.
179.
Fine.


Other developments: all the veggies and healthy eating is seriously making me stink. Like - I can smell my own spit. Seriously, this is disconcerting for me and I will probably have to invest in some kind of mouth freshener.


I got the info/downlow on the product today but not the product itself. The diet appears to be something similar to a modified atkins but with a ketogenic twist. I have started my research. I have a hard time getting past the bacon mayo cheese extravapaloosa but hey, I'm in.


I. AM. IN.


NOTE: The body that burns fat, smells like ... a pig factory.


 - Stella